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How I Changed My Partner's Behavior Without Fighting Or Asking For Anything

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You Walking Wonder of Life.

In this email:

1. How I Changed My Romantic Partner's Behavior
2. Why Self-Worth Is The Key Most Of Us Miss
3. Feel Your True Self-Worth At Our Retreat in March​
4. Our Next Free Open Online Call - You guessed it: Self-Worth

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My Romantic Partner Was Pissing Me Off And How I Changed It

Has your romantic partner ever said something that immediately made you angry or defensive, and you rev up to max anger and start arguing immediately?

Yeah…

This was happening to me whenever my partner’s anger flared up and I felt blamed or “made wrong” for something I didn’t think was wrong or my fault. "I didn't do that!" "It's not my fault!" Instantaneous anger and defending myself.

Of course, the biological mind thinks this is totally justified. “I didn’t do anything wrong! And she does the same thing! I’m not taking this crap!”

But my heart knows that no rationalization from the mind can deny that I am acting from a trigger. This is not a loving reaction.

I got tired of reacting this way.

It’s not up to my partner to change to make my triggers happy; it’s up to me to handle my triggers and find my most loving reaction to these moments so I feel more love in each moment of my life and bring that into our relationship.

So I began investigating my reaction and changed the situation. Here's what I experienced:

1. If my partner is blaming and angry toward me, that is a reflection of the anger and blame inside myself. Everything we experience goes through our internal subconscious filter. Therefore, what we experience of other people is a reflection of what is inside us. I had to acknowledge that I have unprocessed anger and blame inside myself, and my partner’s words were just triggering this. That’s how ALL emotions work! So I did the healing work to process these emotions and let them go.
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2. I had to look at where I was jumping to anger and blaming. And stop that immediately. If I don’t want that coming back to me, I need to stop putting it out. Of course, I was not immediately successful at this and still sometimes slip up. But just setting the intention changed my behavior quite dramatically.
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3. I started to realize, why would it actually upset me to be blamed for something I didn’t do or be made wrong for something I thought was fine? Why would I care? I must feel inside that I am wrong somehow already, and this situation must sting that. Otherwise, this wouldn’t upset me. I would just laugh it off, knowing it wasn’t true at all. I wouldn’t need to defend anything. I would just be able to roll with the moment and respond with love. So if I’m feeling wrong inside, this is a self-worth issue. Therefore I did the healing work to investigate and connect with my unconditional self-worth and bring that to the surface.
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4. When I did these three things, my reactions immediately started to change.
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   When I was blamed or made wrong for something, I didn’t immediately jump to anger and speak from that without thinking. I was able to stay much more calm. I was able to notice my anger and what it wanted to say, and I was able to choose different words. I was able to make a more neutral statement about not doing anything wrong.
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   BUT, I still found myself choosing words that were defending and justifying my actions and pushing back.
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   Why would I need to do that? The version of me fully in self-love and self-worth is so secure in itself that it never feels the need to justify or defend itself. I can explain an action that isn’t understood - sure. But not as a defense to try to invalidate someone else’s blame or anger.
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   Byron Katie once said, and I used to not understand it, “Defense is the first act of war.” How about that for unconditional Being?
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   But this doesn’t mean you let someone walk all over you. When you are in your Self-worth, you have a natural way of Being that actually invites less attack. That invites more mutual self-worth. That’s exactly what happened next.
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5. As I delved into my unconditional Self-Worth even more, I found myself not even needing to react at all to these situations. I even managed to accept the blame several times even though I thought I did nothing wrong. I would say stuff like, “Oh, yeah, okay.” Or even, “Oh, okay, sorry” without any sense that I was taking on the blame or supplicating myself. It was just to communicate that I understood my partner’s upset and allow the blame to happen, knowing neither my higher self nor her higher self cared about it one bit!
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6. Then the extraordinary happened - these conversations happened less and less. I was blamed less and made wrong less. And even when my partner had something she wanted different, she started the conversation in a much gentler way instead of coming from anger. Without me ever asking for that!

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My partner also does her own healing work on herself. She's amazing. So we’re in this process together.

But we never sat down and had a conversation like, “Hey in these situations let’s try to act differently.” It automatically happened through love, emotional releasing, and Self-worth.

It was a reflection. As I let go of anger and blame and allowed my unconditional Self-Worth to permeate more of my Being, my partner reflected that to me.

The biggest transformations in your circumstances come from transforming yourself.

This led to my newest mantra in my relationship: No complaining. No blaming. No defending. That merit’s its own article.

Why am I telling you all this? Because Self-Worth Is The Key Most of Us Miss In Creating What We Want

I now realize that a lack of Self-Worth was at the core of almost all the biggest issues and challenges of my life! And those of my clients.

The recurring problems that you haven't solved, the dreams that you secretly would love to pursue but haven’t yet, and the things you would love to have in your life but have never been able to make them happen - that all is connected to your level of active Self-Worth.

Some questions for you to ponder/journal:

• What is your relationship to Self-worth?
• Do you see the dots connect between Self-Worth and what you are willing to say, do, let go of, and strive for?
• How does it affect how you act in relationships?
• How does it affect how you act with money?
• How does it affect what you believe is possible for you, and if you actually take action on that?

In this moment, I fully believe that recovering your Unconditional Self-Worth is an energy that will transforming your life completely.

It will increase your income. Increase your love. Increase your intimacy. Increase what you really want. Increase your centeredness, stability, and peace. Increase your power.

Any lack of self-worth is an illusion.

Your Self-Worth is never actually in question. It is never in doubt.

No matter your relationship status. Family status. No matter what you do or accomplish. No matter how much money you have. No matter how many people love you or hate you. None of that touches your real Self-Worth.

You are a Divine Child of Creation. You are Worthy because you Exist. God doesn’t make mistakes.

You can never stop the love steaming to you or the support streaming to you. You can never stop how valued and worthy you actually are. You can’t even stop the part of YOU that KNOWS your Unconditional Self-Worth.

You can just cover it up with triggers and trauma and beliefs.

Then other people’s words will hurt. Then circumstances will seem insurmountable. Then dreams will seem unrealistic.

You will trick yourself into believing that you aren’t worthy enough for what you really want and the highest life you can envision for yourself. Therefore you will never even really take the “risk” of trying to create it.

Do you see that too?

We’re Doing Self-Worth Exercises At Our Retreat In March

We still have spots open at our Rebalance Retreat In March. I’m so excited about it.

Getting together in person in such a nurturing, fun, and expansive way to heal and grow. There are certain healings that happen so much better in a situation like this.

My intention is that you will leave the retreat with renewed knowing of your authentic Self-Worth. And this will change how you run and create your life.

We’ve also updated the webpage with the schedule for the weekend and a video explaining why our cacao ceremony goes deeper than what you might have experienced before.

Check it out the Retreat Details here.​

Our Next Online Circle - Owning Your Self-Worth

I want to talk more about this topic and hear your thoughts in our next online circle. It’s free.

I want to share what’s worked for me to access my Self-Worth.

I want to connect the dots between Self-Worth, confidence, belief, going for what you really want, money, and results.

If interested, put this on your calendar:

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You are worthy of your dreams,

David

PS - In summary, when it resonates, here are the ways I can support you on your path.

1. 90 Minute 1:1 Judgement Releasing and Emotional Healing Session​
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2. 90 Minute 1:1 Ideal Future Creation Session
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3. ​The Rebalance Retreat - Reconnect and rebalance Your Masculine and Feminine, Self and Relationships, Giving and Receiving. Restore your calm, creativity, power, and love in 2025.

“David has a unique ability to invoke emotions and always knows the right questions to ask. He has a unique way with words. I walk away from meeting him with at least one phrase that I constantly refer to in my thoughts that sustains my progress. His ability to listen and understand, then suggest techniques based on that knowledge is above-and-beyond anything I've experienced with other coaches. I feel very thankful to have worked with David and consider him to be an integral part of my learning and development, both in my career and my personal life.” - G.F., Czech Republic

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